LETTER TO SENATOR DINO MELAYE 

Dear Senator Dino Melaye,

I trust you had a safe trip back to Abuja after your ‘Show of Strength’ walk on Bourdillon road, Lagos.

I am writing in connection with the very exciting week you have had, specifically on the floor of the Senate where you got into a serious altercation with a fellow senator; Mrs. Remi Tinubu. In light of this development, I would like to offer you some unsolicited advice which I hope you will accept in good faith. I therefore suggest the following:

1. That you apologise to all Nigerian women 

 According to media reports, during a heated exchange between your good self and Senator Tinubu you threatened to beat her and ‘f……...K’ her up. This is totally unacceptable. You have since claimed that she called you a ‘Dog’ something which has not been corroborated by anyone else. However even if she did one is inclined to agree with her if you were threatening her! In attempting to defend yourself you further insulted women by referring to the fact that she was menopausal so you could not have threatened to rape her. How is the gynaecological status of your colleague any of your business, unless you intended to use it as an insult?

There have been calls for you to apologise to Senator Remi Tinubu. I believe you need to do that. However, she is not the only person you need to apologise to. You have to apologise to all Nigerian women for such a malicious and obscene attack on womanhood. You do not seem to realise it but, you have offended millions of wives, mothers and daughters. The husbands, fathers and sons who are hostile towards the idea of the women in their lives playing a role in politics will find themselves vindicated through these actions of yours.  What transpired on the floor of the Senate last week was not just a bad day at the office for the elected Senators; it was a terrible thing for Nigerians, especially women. Senator Dino, we will be expecting that unreserved apology.

2. You need to rebrand yourself.

The political sphere is broad enough to accommodate the brazen, the eccentric and the colourful; therefore I have no doubt that you fit in. However when people think of the name ‘Dino Melaye’ in Nigerian politics today, it is synonymous with negative controversy; brawling, sex scandals, reckless statements, allegations of domestic violence, distasteful flamboyance – an all-round bad boy image. You have all kinds of nicknames, ranging from ‘Shakiti Bobo, to Rofo Rofo Senator, to ‘Dino the Dinosaur’. Senator, are you sure you want these characterisations of you to become set in stone? Is this the brand you are comfortable with? We have many branding experts in Nigeria so I strongly suggest that you invest in them, perhaps they can help project you as an articulate, charismatic leader and social justice advocate who speaks truth to power but is mindful of his age, status, words and audience.  That is the brand that might take you to the next level. The brand you are stuck with now is one that brings diminishing returns. 

3. Show us your own ‘local product’.

Remember when you took Governor Adams Oshiomole of Edo State to task for using scarce foreign exchange to marry and import a ‘foreign product’? Well Senator, please show us your own ‘local product’. You should be entitled to privacy; however you lost that right when you decided to take an unhealthy interest in other people’s spouses. We know you have had a couple of misadventures when it comes to matters of the heart, but perhaps if you stopped beating your spouses or threatening other peoples spouses, your relationships would endure the test of time.

4. You might not need the blessings of women, but you should avoid their curses 

Regardless of where we stand on the ideological spectrum or the company we keep politically, our starting point is our humanity’. It is not alright to dehumanize people. Even if you cannot find it within yourself to respect women, you should at least think of the fact that your mother was or is a woman, and how you would feel if she is treated the way you treat women. If you keep treating women like second class citizens your political career will not end well. You might not need the blessings of women, but you should avoid their curses. A word is enough for the wise.

5. You should re-position yourself as a positive male role model

Senator, I am sure you will agree with me that our youth in Nigeria need positive role models. It is important for young people to be able to look up to both men and women for guidance, but it is even more powerful when young people can see themselves in role models of the same gender. We need our young men to have manners, and be polite, responsible citizens. We do not want to see our sons accused of beating their wives, or threatening their colleagues with sexual violence. The next time you feel like whacking one of your colleagues, please remember that young people might model themselves after you.

Finally Senator, I hope you will do what is necessary to prove that you are not a common thug, and also focus on your primary task of being a lawmaker in the Senate. Battles are commonplace in the political arena, and all kinds of weapons are deployed but the dignity of women should not be one of such weapons. I wish you all the best. 

Bisi Adeleye-Fayemi is a Gender Specialist, Social Entrepreneur and Writer. She is the Founder of Abovewhispers.com, an online community for women. She can be reached at BAF@abovewhispers.com